Have I mentioned lately that I love you guys? I was really down around Silas’s birthday, and your comments were just so sweet. Blueberry’s Human from Spotty Spotty Polkadotty scolded me, justly, for the sin of comparison. Then she said this, referring to her previous, less-than-social dog:
Was her world small? Absolutely – but it was full of love and fun and at the end of the day, that’s all that really mattered to her.
I have a lot of anxiety about Silas, because his problems are not minor. The list of things that he cannot do? It has some fairly serious stuff on it, some of which I can’t even bring myself to talk about. So when Silas does something like start refusing to get in the car, I panic. I panic because I envision his 50% tolerance for people eroding as he gets less and less exposure. I panic because it took me years to build up enough confidence for him to be semi-comfortable in some select number of parks. I panic because I imagine every setback as some kind of slippery slope that ends in tragedy.
It’s partly justified, but mostly silly. We did manage to get him to the park one day last week, and he was absolutely fine. Better than fine. Maybe we’re over some kind of hump–with three years of good park experience, a few months away aren’t going to be the END of park going anymore. We met my neighbor outside one day last week, and Silas was thrilled to see her. While we were talking to her, my other neighbor walked out, and Silas really wanted to meet him, too. Obviously, our last few months of isolation hasn’t been a big deal.
So for now, I’m shifting my focus.
Who cares if Silas’s world has gotten very, very small?
We’ll have the best damn tiny world in the universe.